Thursday!

man this week has been so long and not refreshing at all! sure there has been refreshing moments and instances where i thought...AAAAWWWWW that was nice. but for the most part it has wearily dragged by and i haven't really felt like myself. my house is a WRECK and i haven't gone to the gym at all (i usually enjoy that exertion and process of letting everything out) all i've felt like doing is sleeping and that has happened much at all! i thought that my problem was that i'm tired--but i now think not. i think now that spiritual warfare is eating at my insides and i'm on the line (don't worry and you don;t have to comment on my faith. i know i'm a good christian and doing good things- i'm not worried about my standings) i'm just caught in the middle but not the middle of anyone, it's just me and i don't know how to explain how it feels. i'm caught between trusting and not trusting, between letting go and grabbing to something new, between wanting to dwell on the past and wanting to strive for the future. i'm caught between being nice and doing what's right--WHY IS THAT SOOOOOO HARD! i'm caught between remebering and forgiving. i feel that i have forgiven but i can't move past it yet and i'm not ready to move on and i feel like a lump of stickers because i can't say it out loud. i want this person to understand that i still hurt and i am not trying to hurt back, i just don't know how to move forward without that pain bouncing between us. i desperately want to move forward but forgetting is not an option and time is going to have to heel but i don't know how much i need please me patient my friends (notice the plural). i'm also caught between listening to opinions of others and listening to God!
okay i was going to write about my excitement of grey's anatomy season 3 premeire tonight....this just took hold! and i DO feel better!