a light at the end of the tunnel

though my life is far from being dark and grey, sad and desolate, it is not complete. i have known for quite a while that there is something that i wanted to have in my world but the time and circumstances have not been right and i have been told to wait. i am not good at waitning... i have never been good at waiting if i know you have a present for my birthday BEFORE my birthday i want it now, if i have a Christmas present for you Before Christmas i want you to have it now and to open it now and share your expression with me now... I DO NOT LIKE TO WAIT!!! but i do when i have to AND I HAVE TO! the saying, "there is light at the end of the tunnel" comes to mind as my waiting draws to a new type of waiting.
When i was a young teen we drove to Florida and somewhere between here and there we drove through a very long tunnel. i liked going through the tunnel at first and then got tired of being closed up...and was ready to be out of the tunnel and to our destination. As we neared the end of the tunnel and i could see the light of the outside world, i wanted my dad to drive faster to JUST get there. we finally were out of the tunnel, but we were still far from the end of our journey.
in my personal life, i can see the ligth at the end of the tunnel, but am not to it yet. i want to speed up and be there already but know i will miss important parts of life and relationships by speeding through it and i know mistakes are more easily made at higher speeds. i am also aware that even when i am out of the tunnel of this part of my life and i have more freedoms in what i want and what i am doing, the journey is far from being over. i need prayers that i will not try to speed up the process of being out of the tunnel before i am fully in the light; for the journey is still far from being over.

moving around and making a mess

well, now that summer is almost over, i am finally motivated to get things done at my house that i keep sying "i'll do it on a break from work" :) well in 3 years of living here and atleast 9 breaks from work i have finally begun cleaning out my spare room.
i have used this room as a storage (and will continue to but with organization) and if you have ever seen it, you will understand. I now can see a floor in there!!! and for 1 day it looked really nice.
my parents are getting a bed from my step-brother so they are sending one of theirs to me, and i need a place for it. but that's doesn't have a time limit and since i need limits and boundaries and dealines; i didn't clean for the bed. But i knew i was getting internet installed and he would need room to walk because i wanted it hooked up in that room. THAT got me to clean it. and it lookint NICE in there.
the next day i decided to move a bookshelf from my entry way to that room and here comes a new mess. i got stuck in the doorway and had to empty the shelf to get it over the carpet but i couldn't get out of the room. so i just started throwing things in the floor.
but i can't clean it becaue i'm not for sure if i want to keep the shelf where it is! i procrastinate that way. i guess i need to get the bed in there so i will begin to see how i want to set up the room and then start moving stuff. i know it will be a nice room someday soon, but it is such a pig pen now!

ok i know that was random but i wanted to blog and couldn't think of anything else and this is JUST MY THOUGHTS!!:)

now online!!!

hello all! i know it's been a VERY LONG TIME but i now have internet at my house, YEAH!!!!!! and it is a lot easier to be online and go to all the sites that the schools secured network won't let me get to :) so i will be blogging now!!! but don't hold your breath, i know it won't be an everyday occurance or anything! looking forward to getting back into it and back into your business :) hahaha!!!!
will blog soon, i promise